We had just finished filming our season finale. The crowd was great; the chemistry between everybody was wonderful. Maybe everyone was glad to be done shooting and able to go home. I wasn't.
"Ryan, hurry up! We're gonna be late for the wrap party!" Wayne called from the hallway. I was in no rush. Those parties were always the same. Wayne and Greg loudly drunk, Chip and Brad telling unfunny jokes, Drew stealing the show, Colin quietly sipping a soda in the corner and me trying to listen to everyone while the whole time thinking about him. I trotted quickly to catch up with Wayne. No point in walking late, as normal. Maybe I'd surprise them.
"Hey Ry! Come check this out!" Drew yelled from a corner of the green room. I just hoped it wasn't one of his sick jokes where he whips it out and dances. But it wasn't. Drew had proceeded to tell even more dirty jokes about President Clinton than I ever could, including a diagram of Monica sucking him off in front of everyone. I wasn't that interested nor did I find it funny so I just chuckled politely and made my way back to my previous spot.
When I saw him laughing at a joke that Chip had cracked, I felt a warm feeling overcome my body. His smile, oh his smile. It could brighten up any room. His deep eyes so cheerful as he laughed. I couldn't stand not being with him.
"Ryan? What's going on buddy? You seem preoccupied," Colin said as he stepped closer to me. I loved Colin very much and he knew it. But it wasn't nothing compared to the love I had for the other.
"Oh it's nothing Col. Just the usual after-show boredness I get. Don't worry about it."
"Oh I'm not worried. It's just that, well, I'm flying back home tomorrow morning and we haven't talked in a while. I'm gonna miss seeing you every day!"
"Yeah me too. I kind of need to handle some business before the night is over, but why don't you and I go out for breakfast tomorrow before we leave?" Colin smiled. He just loved it when I made special time for him. He turned to talk to Dan and I went over to the group.
"Ryan man! You're so quiet tonight friend! C'mon, let's party!" Brad exclaimed as he jumped on a table. He was half-loaded already and I never liked him drunk. I didn't respond and looked past him.
"Hey, can I give anyone a lift back to the hotel after the party? I wouldn't want any drunkards on the road tonight with the weather as bad as it is."
"Oh Ryan that's nice of ya! I'll take a ride!" Greg responded. Chip and Colin also wanted rides. This would be great.
When the party was done and Drew was falling on the floor drunk, I gathered my small party. I decided to include Drew, even though he didn't want a ride but it was the least I could do. Everyone had to help him to the car. When we reached the hotel, Chip and Colin carried Drew to his room and went to bed. Greg decided he wasn't tired so he came to hang out with me.
After much silence and a few remarks about what was on TV, I spoke up.
"Hey Greg? Where are you heading tomorrow?"
"Oh I think instead of going home, I'm gonna head off to England for a couple days. Get out of California for a bit."
"Yeah. I know, Greg, that we haven't always been that close and I'd like it if we were."
"What like you and Captain Hair?"
"Actually yeah. You don't seem to be that close to anyone on the cast and I know it was hard for you when Tony left, seeing as you guys were real good friends. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you need a friend, I'm here."
"Thanks Ry. That's really nice of you. I admit, I felt strange with the American cast, even though I knew all of you, except Drew of course. I think I miss England I even miss Clive! You know, I don't really think Drew likes me." I stayed quiet for a second. It wasn't that Drew didn't like him; it was just that Greg was a bit to eclectic for him to handle. But Drew was always nice to him anyways.
"Oh no. He DOES like you Greg! He's just used to me and Col more. I'll talk to him."
"Thanks. I know I seem kind like kind of a loner to everyone on the cast but really I'm not. I mean, you and I have known each other for more than 10 years but we never really hung out. You always had Colin and then it was me and Tony. But I've always like you Ry."
"I've always liked you too. I guess we never had enough courage to talk to each other. And that's not all I like liked you. You know" Greg's eyes widened as a look of shock entered his face.
"W-what? That's impossible! I always thoughtyou and Colin"
"Oh Col and I had a relationship years and years ago. But it's you I've always loved." Greg stayed silent. He lookedI don't even know. When I told Colin that I had loved him it, it was no surprise. But now
"WellGod. I'm just so surprised. I mean, I'm not offended it's just that I guess I've never really had any gay friends. Well except for Clive but he doesn't really count."
"I'm sorry. I never wanted to love you, it just happened. You're such a lovely man. You've always been nice to the new guys on the show, always had support for people."
"Thanks. But the thing that's bugging me iswellI guessI'm gay too. Oh god! I've been in such denial about it for so long. I tried every thing I could to try to not be gay but it never worked. I mean, I was never attracted to anyone on the castbut I always had those feelings." I felt a bit of disappointment but it wasn't too bad. At least he opened up to me. Sweet Greg.
Greg left the bed where he was sitting and sat on the chair in the corner. I got up and sat next to him.
"If you don't want to hang out with me anymore, I wouldn't be offended."
"No! I really do. I really like you Ryan. I guess I'm just uncomfortable with my sexuality. My family always stared down upon it. They all thought I was gay in high school but I guess they just decided I was weird." I didn't know what to do. I'd never met anyone who was unsure. Should I put my arm around him or just stay quiet?
"Gregeven if you don't want to be with me, I want to stay friends. And if you ever want to talk about things" Before I could finish Greg kissed me softly on the lips. Now I was the unsure one. What did this mean? Should I kiss him back? I decided to just stay still.
"Fuck. Now what I am gonna do? I just kissed a man for the first time ever."
"No! You've NEVER kissed a guy before? Jeez!"
"Don't sound so surprised! Do I ACT gay?" I had to admit, even though Greg was kinda girly on-stage, he was oddly butch off.
"No you don't. Now about that kiss" This time I kissed him on the lips. He quickly slipped his tongue inside of my mouth and we sat, making out for a minute. That's when I wondered if he was just drunk and didn't know what he was doing. No. He acted much different when boozed up. Greg then took off his suit-coat and tie. I unbuttoned my shirt. Pretty soon, we were two guys with our shirts off, kissing passionately on my bed. After our pants were off and it was getting to more than kissing, my door knocked.
"Ryan come quick! It's Drew!" I recognized Colin in a panic. But I didn't want this to stop. Greg went into frenzy.
"No! No no no! This isn't happening! T-they can't know. No!" Greg was near screaming. I told him to get under the covers and I would talk to Colin. Greg quickly did so and I put on a robe.
"Ok Col, calm down. Tell me what happened."
"Hoo. Ok. We had put Drew into his bed and set off for our rooms. Chip and I decided to play a bit of cards and all was well. That's when we heard it. Drew had tried to get up and fallen into the wall, hard. We need to get him to a hospital fast. Not only is his head real bad, but we think he has alcohol poisoning too." I looked away. Not only was I worried about a very close friend, but also I needed Greg. I couldn't just abandon this opportunity!
"Why don't you call an ambulance and I'll be down to the hospital in a bit?"
"In a bit? What's so damned important in there? This is one of your best friends and you're not going to be with him in this time of need?" Colin was right. I couldn't leave Drew. Although, he WOULD have Colin and Chip. And spending some time with Greg wouldn't take long.
"Listen, call the ambulance, I'll be down in a bit. I'm sorry but I can't leave right now. I love Drew but this is so important." I gave Colin the look I gave him when I first said, "I love you." I think he understood.
"Ok. Please hurry." Colin turned and ran down the hall. Then he called "Oh! And get Greg for me, would you?" I mouthed a yeah and went back to my room.
"Is it ok?" Greg asked.
"Yeah. He's gone."
"Drew is sick or hurt or something. I'm sure he'll be fine." Greg sat up.
"No, this sounds serious! Why aren't you going with them?"
"I wanted to be with you," I responded quietly. Greg just smiled and kissed me. We then proceeded to have awkward sex. I mean Greg had no idea what he was doing, so I pretty much did it all. I could tell Greg was nervous. Afterwards we had a talk.
"So is anyone else on the cast gay besides you and Col?" Greg asked while putting on his pants.
"Actually Colin isn't gay. I think he was just experimenting with me. I haven't seen him with a man since. But anyways, on the cast. Brad is gay. But I think it's kind of obvious. And did you ever meet that guy Jeff Davis? He was on a few times. He was gay."
"Wow. How did I miss all of this?"
"Well when you don't want to think about it, it's easy to not see." I looked in his eyes. When he didn't have his glasses on, I could see them more. They were beautiful.
"Maybe we should go check on Drew," Greg suggested. Drew! I had forgotten all about him.
"Well what are we gonna tell them when we walk in after being together for 4 hours?!" I couldn't believe it. I never thought I'd get to be with Greg at all and now look!
"You're right. You could tell them you fell asleep and them came to get me."
"Yeah, that'd probably work. Put some clothes on and let's go." Greg did so and so did I. Then we ran all the way down to my car and jumped in.
"Yeah Greg?" I started the ignition and left.
"I love you." I didn't say anything. I just smiled back at him. Then I picked up my car phone and dialed Colin's cell.
"Col, its Ryan! How's Drew?" I heard nothing but static. "Colin just tell me what hospital you're at so I can get there."
"Uhsouth side." I threw the phone down and drove.
"Greg! I love you too." Now it was Greg's turn to smile. He then put his hand on top of mine as we drove.
When we reached the hospital, it was no chore finding where everyone was. I thought about holding Greg's hand when we entered but erased the thought right away. Everybody looked really upset.
"Ryan where the hell where you?" Colin almost screamed.
"I-I fell asleep and then when I woke up, I got Greg. What happened?" Colin looked down.
"Drew died." He said quietly. How could this have happened? Just hours ago we had been filming and laughing, and now he was gone.
"Tell me exactly what happened," I demanded. I looked over at Greg who I could tell was feeling guilty. If only we hadn't been together, we, I could've done something.
"The doctors said his alcohol intake was just so much. They also think that he took some drugs or pills or something. His fall also helped. I just can't believe it." Colin began to sob. I took him in my arms and shushed him.
"Oh Col, I feel so awful. If only I coulda been here. I could have changed it."
"It's ok Ryan. There was nothing anyone could do." Chip came over and touched Colin's shoulder.
"Chipare you ok?" I asked after letting Colin go. He had then traveled over to Greg and was now hugging and crying into him.
"I don't know. It just seems solike surreal you know? Drew was a really great guy." Now I had to sob. Chip comforted me as I wept and then Col and Greg came over.
"Hey Ry. It's gonna be ok. We'll all miss Drew very much." Greg said.
"How could this have happened? Drew never took drugs! And where would he have gotten the pills?!"
"Maybe there was some aspirin in the bathroom or something. We won't know anything until the coroner's report comes back." Chip said as his voice cracked. And then, without words, we all just stood there for a moment and cried. Did Drew do this on purpose or was he just so drunk that he didn't know what was going on? After our sob spell, I walked over to the hospital lounge, alone. Greg came in after only a bit.
"Hey Ry. I know you think this is your fault but it isn't." He sat down beside me.
"Greg don't you see? If I hadn't been so selfish and would have gone with Colin, he could've gotten to the hospital soonerDrew'd be alive. I wouldn't have let him die." Greg wiped a tear from my cheek and ran his hand through my hair.
"Ryan," he started softly, "Don't blame yourself. I feel just as bad as you do. We both loved Drew. We may have made fun of him all the time but he knew it was just for kicks. He really was great." Greg sniffed back a tear. "We're just going to have to move on with our lives."
"Oh Greg" I embraced his now looser body and kissed his face. "What are we going to do?" And that was the last time I ever kissed Greg. He couldn't go to the funeral; he said it was too hard. He went off to England and he stayed there for the longest time. I don't think any of us even spoke to Greg in almost 3 months. When he came back, we didn't even speak of our encounter.
Colin went back to Canada and according to his wife, is in worse shape than ever. I went to visit him one week, but I just couldn't lift his spirit.
I stayed in LA with my wife and both Whose Line and Drew Carey Show were cancelled. A lot of people were surprised that Colin was taking it harder than me, seeing as I was closer to Drew than him. But maybe it's just that Col gets depressed easier than me.
Some of us still talk once in a while, but we haven't gotten together in a long time. I guess we all just lost touch. But, every now and then, I'll get a card in the mail saying, "I love you" on it. And I always know whom it is from.
KITHy story 2 (I cant think of a title!)
Dave awoke with a start. "What day is it?" he asked groggily.
"It is March 8," a voice replied.
"March 8?? Impossible!" Dave felt his face. His blonde goatee had become a long beard. The yellow colour had faded out and was now brown white. His already long hair was now down to his knees. "Well what year is it?"
"2057." Dave thought for a moment. How could this be? All he could remember was going to sleep after a hard night with his friends. He, Scott, Kevin, Mark, and Bruce had wrapped up filming their new movie and had gone out to celebrate.
"Wellwho are you?!" A figure stepped out of the darkness.
"What, don't you remember?" Dave thought again. He didn't have a clue. "I'm Cecil. Remember now?" Suddenly, it hit him.
"Yes! Yes, I remember now! You're that crazed fan that followed us everywhere. But...why are YOU here?"
"Silly, silly Dave. Can't you put it together?" Dave then saw what he was in. A small, blue, pod-like thing. Like a bed only in a case.
"Where are the others?" Cecil looked at the hatch in the corner.
"They're gone. Well, all except for Scott. He was smart. Damn good fellow he was. He figured out how to escape and I haven't seen him in years. The restwell."
"No no. I wouldn't do that! I turned them into droids. Now they're my personal slaves. Oh, Mark?" Mark stumbled into the room through an air hatch.
"Mark! No!!!! Mark! Please!" Dave tried to jump up but a force held him back. "Please. Cecil: let them go. And besides, why am I not a droid yet? Why was I kept asleep?"
"Because I like you so much that's why! I'm not sure what I'm gonna do with you yet! I've been thinking about that. Maybe I'll make you my sex slave. But then again look at you. You're hardly the man you used to be."
"Hey! You try being asleep for 57 years!"
"Sorry. I really shouldn't insult my love."
"Listen lady. You got this all wrong. I don't love you. First off, I hardly know you. Second, look at what you did to my friends! Well, I guess Bruce didn't really matter. Ever since the accident he's been a little, woo woo."
"Yes, I noticed that Bruce didn't fight a whole lot. All he kept saying was 'beef jerky' and something about a weasel. Well, beggars can't be choosers. Oh, look at the time. I must be getting to my massage. Kevin?" Kevin entered the room with oil in one hand and a robe in the other.
"Yes Cecil. Massage now. Let me help you." Kevin led Cecil off and out the hatch. Dave tried and tried to get up but it was no use. He was stuck.
Dave started to think. How could he get out? He tried to unexpectedly thrust up, but that didn't work. Then he ripped a piece of material from his suit and threw it. It just bounced off the barrier and back at him. It was then that Dave gave up. He would just have to do whatever Cecil wanted or beg for release.
What Dave thought was about 2 hours later, he heard a tap. Dave looked around but saw nothing. He then heard another tap, this one louder. Then, a body jumped in front of Dave.
"Shh! Don't say a word! My name is Liam and I've come to rescue you. I'm going to shut off the force around you and then you need to come with me. I'll fill you on everything that's been going on later."
Liam tip toed towards a control panel and tapped a plate. He then switched off 3 green lights and all the lights in the room went off. Dave quickly got up and jumped out of his pod.
"Thank you so much. Really I..."
"Shut up! We have precious little time and we don't have time for thank yous! Now follow me!" Dave quickly shut up and carefully followed Liam. He went through a small space and then jumped into a portal. Dave was reluctant at first but then decided there was no going back now. He jumped in and in a matter of seconds was outside. Only outside was much different then he remembered.
The city was dark but not cold. The space where roads used to be were now nothing but deep caverns. Buildings were much lower then before, it there was any buildings.
"So, tell me what's been going on."
"25 years ago the world ended. There was a giant meteorite explosion and it almost blew up the planet. People who were in pods or were high up or even deep in the earth were safe. The others weren't so lucky. Those of us that survived were left to rebuild society. There is no president of our country. We aren't even a country anymore. The continents all went in separate directions and here we are."
"But where is that?"
"Don't know. Anyways, back on track. Oh here, jump on this." Liam and Dave hopped into a little vehicle. "Buckle up. Ok, so. We needed some kind of leader right?"
"Well, one man stepped up and saved us all. His nameis K!" Liam threw his hands up in the air in praise. "I joined his underground band and now we're huge! Sure, there are the straights and they do their thing"
"Oh, the people who wouldn't join K. They call us rebels. Those asses! They have no idea who they're talking about. Someday, we'll rule the earth again."
"Well great. Now what does this have to do with me?"
"Oh boy! When He found out about your imprisonment, He immediately sent us on a mission to save you. He wouldn't say why but we devised a plan and here you are. You'll meet him soon. Yes, believe it. YOU are lucky enough to converse with Him. You should feel very lucky. Almost no one gets this privilege." Dave just sat in silence as the craft traveled under the ground and through a series of tunnels.
"We are here. Get out quickly. We mustn't keep Him waiting." Dave got out and followed Liam closely. Candles and decorative lights surrounded him. The pair walked down the tunnel on an Oriental carpet. Dave could then see a giant throne-like chair on a pedestal. A man sat in it as he looked around.
"You're Lordship? I present to you the prisoner from which we rescued." Liam knelt before the King-like man.
"Very good. You make me proud Liam. You can be sure you'll find something extra in your chamber tonight."
"Thank you sir. Good day." Liam went off and left Dave to this Godly brother.
"Well, prisoner. I'm glad you're here. I shall address you asDave? Just for now?"
"Yes sir. Dave Foley's the name."
"Oh not anymore my son. Your old name was Dave. I do all the naming around here. You shall be Dave until I find a more suitable name."
"Hey I find Dave a very nice name thank you very much!"
"Do not undermine my authority! If not for me you would still be a vegetable in that psycho's lair."
"You're very conceited you know. You're just likeScott?!!!!"
"Scott? I do not know a Scott. Come with me lad. I want to talk to you in private since you think it's so OK to disrespect me in front of my men." K jumped out of his chair and down the steps. Dave followed him down a long corridor into a small room.
"Look, K, I don't know what this is about but"
"Dave it's me. Scott. Don't say anything yet. You can complement on my new face later. But first, the less important things. I escaped Cecil's clutches years ago. I ran far away and built an underground lair of my own. I stayed down here, trying to think of a way to get you guys out of there. When the meteorites came to earth, I just happened to be safe. I brought people down, few by few, trying to build an empire. I changed my name to K and made everything different. But I never forgot about you."
"Well why didn't you get us earlier?"
"I knew Cecil's locks for you were set to 57 years. I had to stay here until then. There was no choice. Now, how do I look?"
"You look great Ok?"
"Yeah well you look like hell. Go have Lyle fix you up. Lyle?" Dave was whisked away into a huge vanity. In less than an hour he was shaved, cut, dyed, and clothed. Needless to say, he looked the same as he did 57 years ago.
Dave was then brought back to Scott's room.
"There we go. You look nice. Lyle, fix me up a new outfit would you?"
"Yes K sir." Lyle went away and Dave was left alone with the great leader.
"So Scott, tell me. How did you get to be so powerful? I mean, no offense, but why you?"
"Well after the disaster, people felt vulnerable. I mean, all of their political and religious leaders were gone and they had no one to turn to. So, I decided to seize the moment and become their political and religious leader. Sure, the people up above are trying to rebuild society just as it used to be, electing leaders and all that bull, but this was quicker. Insta-leader."
"Jesus Scott. Its as if you'd planned all thisnatural disasters, everyone important dying. Oh Scott you didn't, did you?"
"No. of course not. Oh Dave how could I not? Everyone wouldn't shut up about Cher's 36th comeback or John Paul II killing all those women and I just couldn't take it anymore. I guess you could say I'm the smartest man alive."
"Oh great Scott. Good plan! What about all the innocent people that died? Your family? Your friends? Joel?"
"They were all on the verge of going anyways and Joel had become quite fat."
"Oh Scott. So, soyou."
"OK, now, we MUST rescue the others. How are they by the way?"
"It isn't good I'll tell you that much. Cecil turned them all into slaves. They're like zombies or something!"
"Hmm.this could be tougher than I thought. I've got it. I know exactly what to do." Scott wrote a few things down on a clear sheet of plastic paper. "Colin? Bring Dave to the tech room. Here are your instructions. Liam? Ready craft 6. Lyle? Bring me my outfit. It's going to be a long night."
Dave was led into a room that looked like the core of a mega-computer. Colin placed him in a small room and sat him on a chair. Dave was scanned and the data was sent to a screen. He stepped out and watched as Colin worked silently. Eventually, he spoke.
"David Scott Foley, this is you. I have cloned you into a hologram. This hologram is like you in everyway shape and form. There is not one characteristic different. Except for one. I programmed this David into thinking he should do whatever Cecil wants. He will treat her as if she is his king. With her distracted, we can rescue the others. I designed a K as I did you but without the same ideas of Cecil. K is the other way you know."
"Yes I know. Now what should I do?"
"Oh, go into that port there and type the number 147 into the pad. I wish you luck David." Dave complied and went. He ended up in a room filled with vehicles. Immediately, a small man ran up to him and grabbed him.
"Uh what? N-no" The man took Dave to his vehicle. Scott was already waiting, getting a last minute hair change, and Liam was close by, having a cigarette.
"Dave, good. You're here," Liam walked over. "We need to move out as soon as possible. Please step into the craft. You may sit next to K if you like. I'll drive." Dave entered and buckled his belt. The ride was quick and soon enough they were back in no man's land.
"Ok. Liam, you try to break in the way you did before. Dave: you go and talk to Cecil. When you get to her door, take this card and say now. The hologram Dave will come out and you can come back here. There should be a small tunnel leading into a larger entryway. All the lairs have them now. I'll monitor. When Liam gets in, I'll go too. All right, let's move!" Liam leapt out the craft. Dave keenly stepped out.
"God Dave, you always were a pussy. Get back in and jump out like a man."
"Oh be quiet! I thank you for saving me but I will not have you ridicule or command me in front of your 'people.' You may be more powerful than me but I AM stronger than you." Scott gulped and backed off.
After much searching, Dave found a portal to Cecil's home. He pushed the buzzer and then took out the card. Moments later, he was gone.
"Why, who is it?" Cecil's now innocent voice called.
"It is David." The door immediately opened and the fake Dave was sucked in.
"Why Dave. I didn't think you'd be coming back. What happened?"
"I simply realized that the outside was horrible. I'd much rather be herewith you."
"Oh Dave! You've come to your senses then, eh?"
"Yes, I have. May I fix you a drink?"
"Well that's usually what my 'lil Brucio is for, but I guess he can have a break."
"Great. You lead the way."
Back at the ship, Scott and Dave sat silently. What could they say to each other? Dave was never big on words. And Scott was so big on them it made for an awkward time. Finally, Liam called in.
"I have found a way to get in. Go west 1 degrees and south ½. I'll be waiting." Scott and Dave hurriedly ran that way. Just as planned, they say Liam sticking his head out of a small crevice. "Here, let me help you. Take my hand. I shall pull you in. But be silent!" Scott was first and then Dave. When they were both secure and inside, they were grabbed. Liam disappeared.
"You fools! You REALLY thought you could get away with that? Well you have to be a bit smarter than that to get past me." She then revealed Liam, gagged and tied. It was then when the boys saw who was holding them. Why it was their dear old Kevin and Mark.
"Kevin!! Oh Kevin! It's me, Dave! Do you remember? Your best friend offorever!" Kevin just stayed silent as he gripped Dave tightly.
"What should I do with him master?" Kevin asked monotonically.
"Why don't you just hold him a bit more? I think he has something to say."
"Yeah, I do. How did you know it wasn't me out there?"
"Oh easy! That Dave was making drinks and for himself he made a coffee, with cream, since I told him to add it. You would NEVER put cream in your coffee." Cecil sat down on a big chair. Dave eyed Scott slowly pulling something out of his back pocket. It looked like a knife but had a laser coming out of the tip. Scott broke free of Mark's grip and pointed the knife at his neck.
"Let Dave go or I kill Mark!" Mark just stared at Cecil, waiting for an order.
"You can't slit his throat, seeing as he doesn't breath air. He's a robot for Christ's sake!" Dave
"Butwhat about the REAL Mark? How could you change a living, breathing human into a android?" asked, a plan in mind.
"Well, his organs and whatever are still there, I just added some chips and wires and here we go."
"Well then he must breath air or the rest of him wouldn't function."
"I guess there's only one way to find out. Bruce!!!" Bruce walked in, a confused look on his face. "Well, Scott? Slit Bruce's throat. It's the only way we'll find out if he'll live or not!"
"I'm not going to do that! I love Bruce!"
"Oh, so I guess you wouldn't have slit Mark's throat eh? Fine, I'll do it myself. Bruce, get over here." Cecil pulled a small dagger out of her skirt. Something suddenly triggered in Dave's mind.
"How could you try and kill Bruce? You've already lost me and Scott. You'd only have Mark and Kevin. And what's that worth?"
"I can get you two back, it'd be easy. I don't need Bruce. He's just a retard anyways. I mean, look at him!" The crowd turned at Bruce's sagging body.
"That's just android Bruce. It's not the REAL Bruce. You'll have to turn him back into the old Bruce." Cecil thought for a moment. She thought Bruce was nothing more than he was now, so she agreed. Bruce would turn into old Bruce.
Cecil walked over to Bruce and took out a small key. She stuck the key into a hole on Bruce's back and he immediately was out. She took a few wires out of a box type thing and then removed a chip from Bruce's head. He then woke up.
"H-hey guys. What's up?"
"Hello Bruce. How have you been?"
"Who are you? Where am I? Marcus, Kevvvy?"
"Oh, that was you Bruce. You used to be just like them. But now you're just a plain retarded man."
"I'm not retarded! I was I got better!"
"Yeah, right. You've been off ever since the incident."
"That happened a long time ago. That sleep I had must have been good for me. I feel great now. Hey, wait a minute, Dave? What's going on here? Why is Kevin holding you like that?"
"Stupid stupid Brucio. You guys are all my slaves. I just brought you back for a moment. Pretty soon, you'll be just like Mark and Kevin over there."
"Why? Why do you want us all for yourself? You should share us with the rest of the world!"
"Um Bruce? There is no world. Everybody out there now is either too young to remember us or dead."
"Wait a minute Dave. What did you just say?" Cecil jumped in.
"The world ended while you were here. Tons of meteors crashed to the earth, killing billions and leaving the planet almost nothing. Those who survived were left to rebuild society. No one knows who 'the kids in the hall' are."
"You mean you all are worthless?"
"Uh yeah. You're the only one who knows us." Cecil went off to a corner and spoke a few words to herself.
"So really Cecil, why do you need us? Just be by yourself or build other droids. I mean, you wouldn't believe the stuff they've come up with out there!"
"What's the point? If no one's jealous that I have you and they don't, well it's not even worth it. Kevin! Unhand him! Now I'll let everyone here go butjust one more massage Kevy?"
"Yes Cecil." The two went off into a secluded room while the others were left to wait. Liam tapped into Mark's computer and deprogrammed him. He got into business right away.
"Oh guys! I can't believe we've been here for so long. My wife my little Christopheroh Christopher! Do you guys think he's still alive?" The men just looked at the floor.
"Sir, it's highly unlikely. And even if he is alive, it could take forever to find him. But, it is possible, however unlikely, that he joined us. I shall look into it."
"What about my wife?"
"Oh that's near impossible. We know of all the women who survived and that isn't many."
"Oh god." Mark stared into the distance while the others stayed silent.
"Yeah well Mark you weren't the only one who lost people! What about MY girlfriend? Or Dave's? Or his kids? Or Kevin's girlfriend?" Bruce demanded.
"I'm so sorry guys. Here Dave, come here. Let me hold you."
"Well, I've had enough of this shit! Liam, why don't you go get some drinks and we'll rejoice!" Scott said. Liam took out a small image screen with buttons and within minutes, everyone's favourite drink was there. I guess it was back to old habits.
"So now what?" Dave asked.
"I guess we'll join Scott's troupe of kids and start our lives again. We'll meet new people, maybe have some more children. Try to rebuild ourselves." Mark answered.
"God Mark, you always were soI don't really know the word. Where's the humour of this situation?" Bruce said.
"Yeah! Let's focus on the really good thing here. My new hair!" The group just sighed as Kevin and Cecil stepped out from behind a hatch.
"WellI guess this is goodbye. I always knew this day would come but never so soon. Ahh!! I don't want you guys to leave!" Cecil wailed as she grabbed Mark's arm.
"Get off me! Listen Cecil; you need to get over us. Look at what you've done! You've caused great problems for us. Now we have to adjust to the new world!"
"Yeah, so let us go in peace and no one will ever know about you or your very screwed up life." Dave added.
"No! I love you!!" Cecil dove for the control panel and hit a big red button. The room started to shake.
"What's going on?!" Scott asked shakily.
"I just hit the locks! Now you'll be down here for another 57 years! Hahahaha!!!" Cecil cackled maniacally.
"No!!!" Liam whipped out his laser pistol and shot for the controls. As soon as that exploded he shot the ceiling, causing things to fall and the locks to stop.
"How could you?! My beautiful labI'll kill you!" Cecil broke out her old-fashioned but still working handgun and shot Liam in the chest. He fell immediately.
"Liam!!" Scott knelt beside his fallen friend. He then stood up and went face to face with Cecil.
"You harmed my partner. And he was so cute and boyish! Now I'll kill YOU." Scott grabbed Cecil in a lock-hold and held her down. But Cecil fought back.
"I should have killed you when I had the chance years ago! Who needs a stupid fag anyways?" The room became quiet. Scott's grip became tighter and tighter until she finally passed out.
"Quick! Mark, you grab Liam. Bruce and Dave, you deprogram Kevin. I'll find a way out of here." The men did what they were told and soon the six-some were on their way to the craft. Scott was the only one who had some idea what he was doing, so he drove. Mark had Liam in the back, holding a piece of cloth to his wound. When they reached the headquarters, Liam was rushed to the doctor they had while the Kids hung out.
"Hey Scott, thanks a lot for saving us. I never figured that the world would end up like this." Dave said.
"Yeah, I mean YOU of all people!" Kevin added.
"It's just so weird! I mean, YOU!" Bruce also said.
"Ok I get it."
"Oh guys, will things ever be the same?" Mark asked. No one answered.
"Nope, never. But we will live on. Maybe we can get back together and make some movies or something!" Kevin replied.
"Yeah, that sounds nice. If there ARE movies nowadays!" Bruce laughed. No one else laughed but they all liked the idea of staying together.
After a few years, Scott aka K's empire became the fastest growing population ever. They ended up taking over the world and I think it's safe to say that everyone likes it that way.
Kevin ended up becoming the most famous man in the world, starring in hundreds of new-wave movies and earning billions of dollars, or Kyes as they're now called. He now lives in some far-off city.
Mark fell in love with an android named J-167I. They don't have any kids yet but are now undergoing the proper medical treatment to give J the proper things. Mark says she is the best sex he's ever had.
Bruce decided to stay with Scott's empire and is now his number 2 man. Bruce has become celibate, saying that he doesn't want anything to interfere with Scott's work. He has also become obsessed with metal. But that's Bruce for you.
And finally, Dave: He fell in love with Liam, surprising everyone. The two left Scott's world and moved to the south, where they do pottery together and love. That's the end.
Yet Another KITHy story By Le Ocelot Kitten
I had always loved him. We had been best friends for years so it really was no surprise, to me. Kevin McDonald was the sweetest guy I knew. He hated conflict and loved animals. When I had heard that he had fallen into depression, I tried to get up to see him as soon as I could. But it was getting harder and harder to visit him. We used to see each other every day, but when I had to spend longer and longer amounts of time in the U.S., it was tough.
When we were on Tour 2K it was one of the happiest times of my life, and the hardest. It was awesome spending time with him; with all the Kids In The Hall for that matter. But it rekindled the love I had had for him all those years ago.
A little while back, we were both asked to do a comedy show with some other people back in Canada. Since we both had free time, we decided to go. It was going to be just like old times. I didn't know what could happen, but I knew it would make things great or absolute hell.
The trip up was good. We chatted about all sorts of things- our so-called girlfriends, how much LA sucked, the usual. We decided to get really old-school and share a hotel room (my idea of course!). After checking in and unpacking, we settled in.
"So what should we do tonight? Check out the old clubs? The new ones?" Kevin asked while putting some socks in a drawer.
"I don't know. We just got in and it's late. I think I just wanna rest tonight."
"Yeah, you're right. I am kind of tired. Let's just chill."
"Chill? Kev, you've been in America way too long. It's like you've lost your Canadian roots!"
"No eh! I still eat my bacon and watch the hockey games eh!" We both chuckled. Things were great, so far.
When the lights were off and we were lying in bed, I remembered that Colin Mochrie was in the room next to us. He and his wife and his "man" Ryan Stiles were all sharing a room. I hadn't talked to him in ages and I had thought about it but saved it for tomorrow. I wondered where his wife was at this point because through the walls, I could hear he and Rydoing things. That just got me turned on.
"I think I'm gonna dump my girlfriend."
"I don't love her anymore. I'm in love with someone else."
"Really? OK, who's the girl?"
"It's uhit's you." There was silence.
"Hmm? I thought you said me!"
"I did. I've loved you for a long time. I usually ignored the feelings and I had almost forgotten them but when we were on tour last year, the feelings all came back."
"Wow. Wow. I uh I don't know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything." I then regretted telling him this news right before some big shows. "I really hope this won't make things weird between us."
"Oh things have always been weird between us. Now they're just weird with a bonus." I heard Kevin's feet hit the floor. Next thing I know he's crawling into bed with me. I felt his lips press against mine.
"W-what are you doing?!" I asked, sounding a little too startled.
"You said you loved me right?"
"Well yes but I never thought anything could happen!"
"You DO want to be with me, right?"
"Of course but"
"Then what's the problem?"
"It's just thatit's all happening so fast. And I'venever been with a man before."
"Really?" Kevin turned on the lamp next to my bed.
"What, are you saying you have?"
"Why do you think my wife left me? She found me in bed with" his words trailed off. This couldn't be good. "With Scott." I was speechless. I didn't know whether to be happy or furious. But Scott was such a slut he'd probably even slept with Bruce.
"That's kind of asurprise. I never thought you could be gay."
"Really? See I always thought YOU were straight!"
"Nope. That's why my wife and me split up. She could tell I was in love with you and not her."
"Then why do we both have girlfriends?"
"To maintain our public image?" We both laughed once more. He then moved in slowly and kissed me again. Kissing him felt so good. We both then removed our t-shirts and explored each other's chests, tongues entwined all the time. Our pyjama pants came off next until eventually we were two naked men kissing. I didn't really know what to do so I let Kev handle things. Having him in me felt like an explosion of ecstasy and happiness.
"Sowhat happens now?" I asked while Kevin laid his head on my shoulder.
"Well that depends. Do we want to dump our girlfriends and be together? Or do we want to maintain our 'straight-guy image' to the media?"
"The media doesn't HAVE to know we're together."
"Oh but they'll find out. The tabloids, something."
"But you're forgetting that we're not famous enough to make the tabloids!" We smiled, he kissed my cheek.
"Well I know I want to be with you." Having Kevin say that was the greatest thing I've ever felt. I ran my fingers through his hair.
"And I you. But what about my kids? I don't know if I want them growing up with a gay daddy."
"Well they've already seen you kiss another man while in a dress. AND they know me. The kids love Uncle Kev!"
"That's true. And besides, all that matters is what I want."
"And that is?"
"You." And with that we embraced, not letting go for what could have been forever.